How not to understand The Secret of forgiving

Forgiveness. Letting it go. These are very important topics in our lives, but it took me a very long time to understand not just what these words mean but how to do it. It is very easy to give advice by saying you should just let go and move on, but at first you need to know how to do that and forgiving is not equal to forgetting.

Years ago a friend of mine lent me a copy of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. She told me this book could change your life. I was a bit skeptic about it since my life was just OK, I was content with it but read it anyway.

What did The Secret tell me?

Think positive, forgive and visualize the future, all these principles are universal. It is alright to think you know what these things mean, but in fact I had absolutely no idea.

  1. Be positive means being hopeful and confident in one’s actions and thoughts. As you can guess it is not that easy to control your thoughts. They just randomly pop up all the time. Monitoring them is a hard work, you always need to ask yourself “why did I think that?”
  2. The importance of forgiving: everybody says forgive others and let go of the past, so you can move on move on. Easier said than done, right? When your feelings are rallying inside you, you can’t do that because it hurts so much.I thought I can do that easily. I will think of a person or situation and will myself to forgive. If it was just a slight misunderstanding it worked perfectly, but when it came to something major then… it was just oil to the fire. The issue was I was thinking with my conscious mind, but all the memories and feelings that hurt me already became a part of my subconscious mind, so even if I said I forgive, the other part of my mind sent a different message. It is like you’re in a tug-of-war with yourself. Sometimes this or that side is stronger.
Photo by Victor Freitas from Pexels

The conscious part of you wants to think positively and does everything to get on the right track, while in the background another program is running nonstop. When there are two forces working against each other, you can’t really move forward.

I’m not going to the visualization part now, because that is a different story for another day.

How can we solve this unending struggle?

It took me 5 years to realize that the issues I thought had been solved, were still there. No matter how hard I tried to think positively, alright I changed my attitude, I saw the bright side of things, but it still wasn’t enough. I still struggled and the law of attraction didn’t work out at all, because at the same time the suppressed memories and feelings were having a big party behind my back. That caused contradictions between my intentions and the results I had, and those were less than satisfying.

On top of it I felt a constant tension in my body, I was anxious all the time without actually having a reason for that. It is hard to control these feelings, let alone face them. But if you are not in control all the time then they can just pop up in the most inappropriate times like when you are with your friends or have a drink or two with your colleagues. These feelings and the behaviors they cause can break friendships.

The solution from outside

After that what happened was I did a small favor to my friend who was always more spiritual than I and she introduced me to a shaman in return. A real one. I met a real shaman. His name is Rajinder Singh he leads Munay Centre of Shamanic Studies. He did some energy healing on me. Ever since then my lower back is as good as new, thank you Raj again.

But that wasn’t the big ‘aha’-moment, it came when he lead my consciousness into a very relaxed state. It is like when you meditate and your body just becomes weightless and you can focus more clearly on the issues at hand. In that state he let me experience what forgiving really means:

  1. Face your emotions, acknowledge them – they are there because of a reason.
  2. Forgive those who caused you pain.
  3. Forgive yourself.
  4. Let it go.


They are too strong“, “it is better to leave them there, so they won’t bother“, “how embarrassing, I just forgave then why do I still feel anger… I’m not as good as I thought“, etc. Are they familiar to you?

Facing our emotions can be really scary, but they belong to us and they will just linger in the depth of your subconscious waiting for the right time to appear and make a scene. Besides what I found was that if you are in a state of meditation, those feelings won’t be that strong, they are significantly weaker, so you can face them and the causes.

When I did this with Raj it was painful, but as soon as I faced the issue, it became less noticeable, then by the time I released this tension, it felt like I could climb Mount Everest. I felt energized and light and free, not to mention ever since then I never had that issue again. So, there are some great benefits of learning how to forgive. The method can vary from person to person, but forgiving really happens deep inside us.

If you have some thoughts in this topic or would like to share your ideas, experiences, please send me a message.

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